by Vivien Hao, First Unitarian, Rochester, NY

Introduction: Vivien Hao is a recovering Southern Baptist, who was introduced to Unitarian Universalism ten years ago by her atheist UU friends. She is a development officer for a multi-state non-profit in Rochester, NY. 

As the great granddaughter of one of the first Chinese Presbyterian ministers in Shanghai, my family's Christian roots run deep. I was born in Taiwan, and immigrated when I was six with my parents to Los Angeles. There, our social life centered around activities at the Mandarin Baptist Church, the first Mandarin-speaking church in Los Angeles. I found acceptance, camaraderie, and cultural fellowship there among Taiwanese immigrants and immigrant's children-- just like me. But what I failed to find was a faith community where I didn't have to check my brain at the door. All this stuff about virgin birth and resurrection from the dead--original sin and eternal salvation only through Jesus Christ-- well, I just couldn't buy it. Even as a pre-teen I was tagged a "doubting Thomas" and by the time I reached college, I found myself completely rejecting the faith of my family and community.

This voluntary desertion left me free of the Baptist church's smothering, smug certitude, but also left me groundless, unsure of what I did believe and why. But more important, it left me without a cultural or faith community to call my own.

 \Fast forward 15 years.... and a continent away. I am now living in Rochester, NY, married, with a young child, and facing a nasty divorce. At this low point in my life, I desperately needed the spiritual and emotional support of a faith community. And I find it at the First Unitarian Church of Rochester. There, I found acceptance, fellowship, commonality in beliefs and philosophies with my fellow UUs. And for a time, I was satisfied that I have found a new spiritual home in which I could be comfortable. But the kind of introspection demanded by our faith also led me to awaken to my own ethnic identity-- and increasingly, I began to understand that UUism could only be my faith if it were to live out its promise of inclusivity-- of recognition in the inherent worth and dignity of every person. More and more I saw a disconnect between what UUs said and what they did.... speaking of diversity and multiculturalism while resisting changing any aspect of congregational life that might make some people uncomfortable or uneasy.They just want to be nice but they don't want to do anything differently than they had always done. They said they wanted to change the world-- to rid it of racism, but they were unwilling to change themselves. Even in communities with a majority of people of color, it's not uncommon for the UU church to be virtually all white.... I attended exactly such a church in a Los Angeles suburb- a 95 percent white church where the surrounding neighborhood was more than 50 percent Asian American. People in this church looked a diversity as something they "did" once a year during Black History Month. They didn't see it as part and parcel of who they were, what they could and should become.

I heard the words of  the great African American civil rights leader Frederick Douglass echo in my ears, "Those who profess to favor freedom and yet deprecate agitation are men who want crops without plowing the ground. They want rain without thunder and lightening. They want the ocean without its many waters."

Fortunately,  I discovered, there was small band of UUs agitating in those waters... creating thunder and lightening. They were fighting for freedom from our racist past, our racist institutions. They were lay people and clergy  working with the UUA's Faith in Action Department. They were galvanizing congregations with the Journey Toward Wholeness anti-racism process. They were teaching congregations how to be not only non-racist, but intentionally anti-racist. And they were teaching white people to hold themselves accountable to people of color. This philosophy, this program was meeting up with huge resistance by the white establishment, and even people of color who misunderstood its premise and intent.

I joined this anti-racism effort, using it as lifeline to keep me from slipping away from my chosen faith. I  began my training as an apprentice anti-racism workshop trainer.... and in this work, found my voice, found my place at the UU table. I finally saw a way that I could ultimately reconcile my ethnic/racial/cultural identity with my faith.

Last year, the Faith in Action Department was dismantled, and some would say, the UUA's anti-racism efforts diluted by spreading the staff and leadership into many departments. But the work continues on other levels, and I continue my personal commitment. And I am deepening my commitment to my fellow Asian Pacific Islander American UUs-- to speak up to ensure our needs and voices are heard. And to build coalitions with other UUs of color to work together to dismantle the institutional racism in our own faith community...a community that continues to marginalize all who are not of the mainstream.

I look forward to the day when I will be able to feel the same acceptance, camaraderie, and cultural fellowship in my UU congregation as I did in my Chinese Southern Baptist Church. I look forward to a day when I can bring all of me, as a UU and an Asian American to this-- my true faith community.

Amen.